Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
