Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
