He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
