Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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