dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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