He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
