omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
