im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
