careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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