The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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