Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
