Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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