i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize