If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
