I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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