How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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