you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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