Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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