I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
