Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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