Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
