That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
