I'm so fucking centered right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
