is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
