You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
