Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
