he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
