never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
