smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
