for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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