Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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