i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dignity is for republicans.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
