Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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