ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
