I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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