A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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