Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
