Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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