just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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