Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
