What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
