dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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