He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
