I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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