I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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