I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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