you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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