Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
