in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
