i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
