i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We're too hungover to prance.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize