You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
