well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
