tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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