Nicole vs. Life
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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