I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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