I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Couch. On fire.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
