did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
