You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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