I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize