Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
