I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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