my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
