Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
