you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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