Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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