I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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